18-year-old rejects her mom's claim that it's her job to prevent her 64-year-old dad from screaming at her: 'It’s not my responsibility to cater to a grown man’s feelings'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 2, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

When you are getting screamed at almost constantly, it's easy to get obsessed with the idea that you are the one causing the screaming. You start to recognize the things that can trigger the person, whether it be things you say, sounds you make, times of the day, or locations where they feel comfortable blowing a gasket. It takes a lot of energy to modify your behavior in ways to try to ensure you won't get yelled at, and no matter how hard you try, you can't control the choices another person makes. At the end of the day, it's the screamer's choice whether or not to scream for no good reason, and even if you do everything in your power to avoid being the object of their scorn, you can't stop them. It's easier said than done, but nobody should blame themselves for the erratic actions of another person, even if that person is their parent. 

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  • The 18-year-old girl in this story has it figured out better than her mom. Her mom thinks that she should modify her behavior indefinitely to prevent her father from yelling at her. The young woman is having none of that and refuses to succumb to her mother's inane expectations. 

  • A woman in a black shirt is posing for a picture
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong for saying it’s not my job to prevent my dad yelling at me?

    I (18f) have a dad (64m) with a temper. He's always had this boundary about me talking to my mom while he gets changed, so I always leave the room to give him privacy. Recently, he'll ask for privacy and if I don't move at that exact second he'll blow up at me and won't even express why with words. Today, I was talking with
    via u/Maleficent_goddess
  • my mom on her bed, my dad comes in, asks to get changed, I sit up, and he blocks my only exit from the room. Then he starts yelling about how we're giving him no privacy, we're not even bothering to close the window blinds (which he never asked about before that very moment) and yelled at my mom and me for not respecting him. 10 min later
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  • Grayscale photography of man opening his mouth
    via Photo Boards

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  • my mom has tried to reason with him and I've left the room by now. I go back to talk to my mom and she starts telling me it's my job to ask if he needs privacy the second he enters his bedroom to keep him from getting upset. I
    via u/Maleficent_goddess
  • say that it's not my responsibility to cater to a grown man's feelings just because he has a problem with a situation. My mom is now yelling at me and calling me selfish. AITA for saying it's not my responsibility to ask if he needs me to leave every time he walks in a room?
    via u/Maleficent_goddess
  • Loft bedroom with a wooden floor and gray king size bed
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  • TipElectronic535 Your father sounds disturbed, to be honest. And your mother is totally an enabler who spends her energy defusing situations. This is not a healthy living situation for you. Are you close to being able to leave for college or work and a place of your own? NTA.
    via u/TipElectronic535
  • Polish_girl44 Dad needs to control himself but he is probably that ab ive from the begining of this marriage and family. And given his age he is an old father which probably leads to more conflict.
    via u/Polish_girl44
  • Cautious-Carpet96 Your dad's temper isn't your responsibility, and your mom enabling it makes it worse
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  • sootfire NTA and your dad sounds ab ive. He's constantly moving the goalposts to keep you on edge. I bet your mom is asking you to do something different because she's also trying to keep up with these constantly moving goalposts to avoid ab_e--but it's really unfair of her to blame you when you both should be blaming your dad.
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  • Fiigwort NTA but tbh, I would just go ahead and leave the room the second he walks in every time. It's not fair for him to speak to you like that, so I would set the boundary that if he's going to speak to you like that .... he just doesn't get to speak to you at all. Leave every time he opens his mouth to you, be just as petty and childish as him
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  • neverwasthedragon This was my thought too. Absolutely no reason to be around someone that volatile and miserable. Of course, then OP will get sh for not listening.
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  • Neat-Ostrich7135 Leave any room whenever he walks in, and don't forget to close the blinds first in case he wants privacy.
    via u/Neat-Ostrich7135
  • Remote-Passenger 7880 NTA but I'd recommend just avoiding their room. You dont have to cater to his feelings but you can avoid this specific blowup. He can't yell at you to leave the room if youre never in the room to begin with.
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  • Fun-Dimension5196 There you go. He doesn't want her in his bedroom and won't say that for some reason.
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  • snoodle908 Which I understand, parents often have little space in the house to get privacy and their bedroom should be one of those places. I'm certain that the daughter would not appreciate dad hanging around in her bedroom when she doesn't want him in there and no doubt would start yelling if she didn't get the privacy she wanted.
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  • Spirited Ad2791 Im a dad. Your dad is a piece of work. Sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders. Don't let his poor attitude get to you when its clearly already changed your mother to be subservient to his childlike tantrums. This is not reasonable and is using the two of you as punching bags for his problems.
    via u/Spirited_Ad2791
  • littlelionbirdman NTA. Glad you're already aware that it's not your responsibility to manage his emotions for him cause years to figure that out lol took me
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  • SafeCommunication560 NTA. I had a dad like yours growing up, and trust me, no matter how careful I was, I could never prevent him from yelling. I'm 21 now, and I still know it's not my job to manage a grown man's emotions. If he can't communicate calmly, that's on him, not you.
    via u/SafeCommunication560
  • Mullein55 YTA - your father has repeatedly asked you for privacy in his own bedroom. I think that is fair. You and your mum could begin talking on your bed instead. That gives your dad his privacy and you and your mum space to chat.
    via u/Mullein55

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family drama screaming mother crazy things parents say bad parenting yelling bad parents parenting scream dad family bedroom mom Parenting Fail Father Parenting FAILS
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